The knees bow, the tongue confesses....
There came a moment when I knew I had to get away from Andy. I didn't mean to abandon him. I thought I was doing the right thing by getting on a plane and spending some time in New Mexico. I would say over and over to him, "I want to see my family. I need to be in the sunshine. You need to grow up and learn how to take care of yourself. I'll be back," I said....
There are a lot of places that are magical to me in the world. I spent most of that summer driving around alone in northern New Mexico. I would get letters from Andy almost daily. He would send me cassettes of his new songs. I could not and would not leave and return to Seattle just because he said he loved me and needed me. I needed him to love himself enough to not want to do heroin. So I stayed away longer.
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Finally, a few months later after some time in New Orleans, I drove back to Seattle in The Z car. Inside the car with me was Freddie the Frog, my Fender La Brea, and a stack of letters and lyrics Andy had sent me over the months. I remember stopping at Shasta Pass. I had never seen anything like it after breaking down in Needles, not to be confused with Barstow, Ca. Now come on, if you have not broken down in this part of the galaxy then you just haven't lived! Hippys and Truckers O' Plenty! Haven't you even seen Pee Wee's Big Adventure? Anyhow, Shasta Pass that day, alone, watching happy couples enjoying the view, and knowing what I am returning to, his addiction and the hard life that it had in store for us.Yeah I will never forget that moment. Who knows what would have become of the lovechild had I not returned to Seattle. Do I regret coming back? Of course not.

Until the ocean calls my name, my love, I forgive you, I wait... and yes, I am still your best friend....
......Xana's playing the cassette marked "play me"
Okay. Forgiven.
Just try to refuse the love child at this point, just try! Resistance was futile, I tell you!
More stories to come.....
All photos by Lance Mercer