The knees bow, the tongue confesses....
There came a moment when I knew I had to get away from Andy. I didn't mean to abandon him. I thought I was doing the right thing by getting on a plane and spending some time in New Mexico. I would say over and over to him, "I want to see my family. I need to be in the sunshine. You need to grow up and learn how to take care of yourself. I'll be back," I said....
There are a lot of places that are magical to me in the world. I spent most of that summer driving around alone in northern New Mexico. I would get letters from Andy almost daily. He would send me cassettes of his new songs. I could not and would not leave and return to Seattle just because he said he loved me and needed me. I needed him to love himself enough to not want to do heroin. So I stayed away longer.
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I remember one night I went to a movie with an old school friend. The 280Z my dad had just rebuilt for me and given me with a great stereo (on which of course I was driving around blasting The Cult) got broken into while we were in the movie. Stolen was a lot of stuff, but what killed me was the music I lost that was sent to me in the mail by Andy and Chris. Chris had just sent me a cassette of his new music, and thinking of this now, they must have been really bored that summer, because nowadays no one writes to anyone, much less send them music with the lyrics written in their own blood. Don't gasp. It wasn't a big deal to me then and it isn't now, symbolically speaking. I was only pissed that the music was gone. If anything, I was worried that the poor mustache may have lost a lot of blood writing a whole song in his own blood, and I hoped he did not pass out or anything....
.Finally, a few months later after some time in New Orleans, I drove back to Seattle in The Z car. Inside the car with me was Freddie the Frog, my Fender La Brea, and a stack of letters and lyrics Andy had sent me over the months. I remember stopping at Shasta Pass. I had never seen anything like it after breaking down in Needles, not to be confused with Barstow, Ca. Now come on, if you have not broken down in this part of the galaxy then you just haven't lived! Hippys and Truckers O' Plenty! Haven't you even seen Pee Wee's Big Adventure? Anyhow, Shasta Pass that day, alone, watching happy couples enjoying the view, and knowing what I am returning to, his addiction and the hard life that it had in store for us.Yeah I will never forget that moment. Who knows what would have become of the lovechild had I not returned to Seattle. Do I regret coming back? Of course not.
Andy made me listen to 3 songs the night that I got home. One to make me forgive him, and the others probably to get me in the bedroom. Luckily for the cheeky little half ass monkey boy, all 3 worked. What can I say, how could I stay mad at the man with golden words, and after all, what are best friends for?Until the ocean calls my name, my love, I forgive you, I wait... and yes, I am still your best friend....
......Xana's playing the cassette marked "play me"
Okay. Forgiven.
Just try to refuse the love child at this point, just try! Resistance was futile, I tell you!
More stories to come.....
All photos by Lance Mercer
