Sunday, May 21, 2017

Origins of a Grunge Girl ~ Part 1 ~ How a Lost Girl from Santa Fe Stole the Heart of a Mississippi Lovechild


 
I started writing this series about a year ago. But after the response from the Demri blog, I sort of gave up on writing the truth here. Maybe I will write a book, but that just seems  super cheesy to me. I've always envisioned a movie made from a book where my life as a child was told and shown; I envision Santa Fe, New Mexico and my upbringing, so to speak. I imagined what Andy's life as a child was like but I only know bits and pieces from what he told me. Talking to the Woods is not an option at this point. They did take property that was mine - not Andy's - from Chris Cornell. They did and still are selling stuff of Andy's and kept stuff of mine that was not theirs to keep. They are still trying to sell stuff online that was not even Andy's. This is a fact. So I have nothing to say to them. 


I think from what he told me I can put enough together to summarize what his childhood was like, at least the important parts. His teen years on Bainbridge will be a lot easier. I cannot, however, write and have my blogs shared on other websites just to be called names and a liar and told I think I'm "owed" something. Anyone who was there when Andy died, as in the band and family, are still denying that I was promised 70% of his royalties. I don't care anymore. I'm STILL ALIVE. 

For the trolls, let's just say this. You don't know me, you probably never met any of the people I write about, and if you're one of those people who are buddies with one of the mothers of the musicians who have died, think of it this way: You can't say so-and-so's mom "knew him like no one else" and then turn around and say I didn't know Demri (or am lying about what I write to 'get attention') or didn't know Chris "anymore" since I hadn't seen him for a while, he had a new life, etc.  I always said he had depression issues; I have described in detail situations that would reflect this and just as I predicted to close friends, his end was similar to the other sad deaths of Andy, Kurt, Layne, Demri, and Mike. It was not a natural death. I am beside myself, and perplexed at how he could be left alone. But he was the type that when he said "leave me alone," you did it. 

I live on the beach... in the prettiest part of Seattle as far as I'm concerned. It's the only California-like beach neighborhood where you can leave your door open and go across the street and sit in the sand and walk to restaurants and bars. I am loved by a great guy who I call my purple magic monkey. I have great friends and my daughter just had a baby. I would say this is probably the happiest I've ever been in my life. 


I need assurances from my readers that what I write will no longer get shared on other blogs before I continue to share MY life... MY stories which, by the way, a lot of people have requested/asked me to write or tell about. I get literally hundreds of messages and emails asking me questions. I started this website because I was having fun; we made up this imaginary monkey Sancho the Half Ass Monkey Boy to blame all our bad behavior on. (Never give a monkey tequila!)

 My friends and I and other contributing writers do not spout off and slander people. I loved Chris like a brother from day one and will think of him as that even as I stand over his grave.

 Our mission here was to share some stories and make it fun for everyone. The other blogs - I wish I had more time to write about style and food and traveling. I am always looking for writers to work on the other blogs and if you're a writer who might be interested, hit me up! But anyone who thinks I started this blog to make money - you're wrong. I'm only this next month (I hope) getting around to monetizing it with ads so I can do more for my non-profit Shine Music Project. I've been approved by Google Adsense for four years but do you see ads on here today? No you don't. I am an Amazon affiliate and all my sales go to Shine. I am a concert ticket affiliate and all my sales go to Shine. (Ticket link is currently under construction) 

 I work my ass off seven days a week to live how I live and it's so that I can help others the way I always have. My dad is worth millions but I don't ask him for money. Demri and Layne didn't have to ask me to pay their rent back then; I did it because it needed to be paid, I had the money and they didn't. No big deal. That's what family does and that's how I have always felt about money. Your sanity is tied to what you do for others. If someone needs help you're supposed to help them. My dad would help me if I needed it but I like to work. And I like to help my friends. I do the same thing now as I did back then.  I will go clean a friend's bathroom, scrubbing toilets and all, if that's how I can help that friend. At the end of my day, when I come home to my gorgeous sweet man making dinner for us, and my chihuahua happy to see me... nothing else matters. 


My magic monkey and Charo the taco loving boyfriend stealing chihuahua

The only reason I can see writing a book at this point may be best is because of the risk of what I say here getting misunderstood. I'm not some reporter from Rolling Stone. I don't have some journalistic responsibility to research and leave my opinions out. And calling someone a chode because my feelings are hurt - well sorry, that's just what I do. I have been calling another good friend I've known as long as Chris a chode Cancer because he's a Cancer and I have this joke that all Cancers are chodes - it's even in my astrology blog. It's a joke and he thinks it's hilarious. We joke on Facebook about it all the time. Andy is the one who was always calling people "a chode."  This is my blog. So accept MY truth or don't, but do not come on my website to judge me or challenge me.

Origin of a Chode 



Honestly, I am not anywhere ready to write about Chris and when I do, I plan on writing only about the fun times, when we would take Bill the Dog to the park and stay out all night till the sun came up. I am the only female besides his spouses who has spent that much time with him. We spent hours and hours several nights a week - I'd say at least once a week, sometimes more - at the parks around Seattle. It was an unspoken rule that it be only us four. Me, Chris, Eric Garcia, and Britt. Never Andy or Susan. Not once did they go with us. I brought a female friend once and Chris got all mad hahaha. He even got mad when I brought Jerry. Then we drank a gallon of tequila and damn do I wish I had the polaroids from that night. Let's just say that's when we found out Eric had a strawberry tattoo on his ass! What does that even mean?! I wonder if he still has it.

 Needless to say, he and Jerry ended up being great friends. My point is that the person I knew was Chris before he got famous. If you take to heart all the truths you hear from the families of the fallen musicians then why would you not believe me? The years I lived with Chris were my first years in Seattle after moving here at age 16. Chris took me to get my driver's license. When they said they needed a parent's signature he said "I guess that would be me." I would say I easily spent as much time with him those years as I did Andy and probably more time with him that Andy did himself. 

So with this series I am getting started on, I am having a lot of fun writing. It's really light and it's been fun to write. I will likely delete this entry - I just wanted to say something here since I won't be publishing this first part for at least a week or so. Depends on how ya all act I guess! Once the dust has settled from this tragedy, I will get back to writing. 

I advise that anyone who is having suicidal thoughts call a friend immediately. If you need someone to make you laugh - hell, call me! I am an open book, I do not hide from the public or hide behind a mask of a different person. I sit here right now in my moo moo with no eyebrows begging you to reach out for help. Life is beautiful; nothing that happens can't be overcome. Trust me, I've gone through hell and back and I'm still here. 

Carry on wayward monkeys! Our children need us to be strong.  My deepest love and hope for peace and a happy life to brother Peter, sisters Katie, Suzy & Maggie, &  Vicky, Lilly, Toni & Christopher Cornell. 

To contact me or my editor: 
xanalandsite@gmail.com

If anything I write about offends you or if you have any questions, please email me before you attack me on my own website. 90% of what's on here is about NEW bands like Ten Miles Wide. I have more video of Jeff Angell & Staticland than anyone and I do it all for free, including hundreds of hours of live streaming and over 1500 live music videos. If you're going to share something of mine, think about sharing a video or a story about a new band! 


National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 
1800-273-8255

A piece about Chris I wrote a few years ago.




If you're looking at this on a home computer, you'll see our Amazon ads on the side. All sales from Amazon and tickets sales (ticket link down temporarily) go to our non-profit Shine Music Project